i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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