mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
