well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
