Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't turn off my feet"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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