Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
