So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
