it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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