I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
