True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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