I wish they made helmets for livers.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
