help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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