I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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