I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
