Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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