Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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