my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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