if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
