2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
