It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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