I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
