he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
