I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
