We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
