Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
