I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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