You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
