You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
