she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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