end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
