writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
