i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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