I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
