Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
