I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
