Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my sisters under your porch take her home
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
