i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
