i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
