escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
