If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
