I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
