i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
