It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I AM VODKA MAN
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
