It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
