i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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