i need an iv and a liver transplant
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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