"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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