Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
