i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
