I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
