there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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