I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
