question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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