are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
